When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
