we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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