Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
