I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
