First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
