Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
