I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
