His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
