Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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