Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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