ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
