Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
