my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
