when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
