i always forget guys have bellybuttons
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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