So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
false alarm, still single
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
