I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
