She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
