That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
