On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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