dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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