This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
