i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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