they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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