marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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