did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im holly from the hills drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
