Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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