Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
