I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
