How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
