Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
