I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
