How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
