so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
