Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
