I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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