i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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