Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Watching her eat just hurts me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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