You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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