Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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