lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
