Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
