Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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