Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
