So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
