i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he thought i was a dude.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
