tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
