When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
