Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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