I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
