when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
