I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
