her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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