Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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