why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
