If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
