i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
