remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
