Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
