Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
