i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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