I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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