your parents love me but you hate me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
