i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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