No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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