I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm too high and old for this...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
