He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
