but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
