We're like a lot better than the average bears
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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