If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
