The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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