I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
