he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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