News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
