he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
