my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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