she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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